Issue #79: I'm taking back my power

Learning how to work with and better manage my anxiety instead of allowing it to control me.

Before you dive into this week’s issue, all of the Take Care toolkits over at Doing Everyday Well are 60% off while supplies last! I’m making room for new and upgraded products!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been stuck in my head.

As a kid, I found joy in being alone with my thoughts, letting my imagination run wild through the stories I wrote. Even though I didn’t have the words to describe how I felt back then, I always knew that my mind worked differently than others.

While my time alone allowed me to fall in love with all things creative, I’d also spend hours obsessing over the smallest encounters and falling deep into a rabbit hole of possible worst-case scenarios. It caused me to turn inward and often limited the way I was able to connect with others.

For years I accepted that having a constant dialogue in my mind was normal. And I accepted being labeled as quiet and shy.

And I lived like that, sort of peacefully, until I had my daughter five years ago. A few months after giving birth, postpartum depression hit me hard. I knew the “baby blues” were common so I tried my best to cry in silence, shake it off, and keep showing up. But crying in silence eventually turned into crying all the time and struggling to get out of bed. Which then turned into a Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder diagnosis.

Out of nowhere, the fairly simple anxiety that I learned to live with began to consume so much of my mind, how I parented, ran my business, and treated my husband. Slowly, I felt like I was losing control.

The mind that was once a source of creativity and silence for me, began to feel like torture. And I’ve honestly had enough.

This entire year I’ve felt like I am in a never-ending battle with my mind. Trying to decipher what’s true and what’s not. Attempting to show up and accomplish my goals even when my mind quite literally is telling me not to. Struggling to communicate a feeling to others that can never be fully understood.

I would be lying if I said that I haven’t begun to resent how my mind works. What was once filled with new creative ideas and curiosity is now filled with extremely anxious thoughts that have clouded my judgment and made it hard to get excited about work. It has affected every area of my life and I’m still trying to figure out how to glue all of the pieces back together.

But today I am deciding to reclaim my power.

I was recently reminded that I was made this way for a reason. What reason? I don’t know and I may never know. But one thing that I do know about God is that everything always works out for my good.

I am changing the narrative around how I think about my mental health.

I am going to use it as a source to show me how to show up in a new way.

I am currently working with my doctor and together we’re making small adjustments to my medication.

I am getting back into my normal flow of self-care and creating stronger habits that support me both mentally and physically.

I am choosing to focus on the good instead of what I feel like I am being held back from.

I am deciding to no longer allow anxiety and depression to control my life. But learn to work with and better manage my symptoms.

I have so much life that I want to live and I am choosing to take my power back.

I am choosing to no longer be bound by my constant stream of thoughts and show up as the woman that I want to be not only for my family but mostly for myself.

Today marks the beginning of my new season. I’ll be sure to share more of my journey here.

with love, Alisha

GOOD FINDS

🎧 A few weeks ago I was invited to chat with Taylor on the Inner Warmup podcast about going back to a 9 to 5 and getting laid off.

😴 Are naps actually beneficial? – The Good Trade

❤️ How to talk about STI’s, contraception, and get the sexual health care you deserve. – VOX

🐌 Could “slow productivity” be your answer to burnout? – The Everygirl

ICYMI

DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE